World Mental Health Day - October 10, 2020

Survivor

Today is World Mental Health Day💛

I’ve been extremely transparent w my challenges & battle of anxiety/depression. My mental health was brought to the forefront and made a personal priority as I embarked on my breast cancer journey. While I’ve always experienced extreme anxiety as early as I can remember and later confirmed by my parents exhibiting behaviors as early as a 5, I didn’t begin to realize it’s importance, and how it’s impacted my life until I began attending therapy regularly as an adult.

This year, while I’ve experienced so many joys surrounding my survivorship, I would be remiss not discuss the triggers associated with hitting my 5 year milestone. This year of celebration unfortunately also triggers extreme fear, anxiety, doubt and worries of the constant "what if", surrounding my survivorship.

This year, last month to be precise, I experienced a depression that nearly broke me. There are many things that served as major triggers including it not limited to my close friends’ reoccurrence following her 5 year mark, deaths caused by cancer, the current pandemic, and stresses of life, I was in one of the darkest, most dangerous times I’ve ever endured. I questioned my existence, will to go on and death ideation. I can attribute my survival to my close support system including my friends, family, god children and THERAPIST in getting me out. The depression and scare is a moment that I’ve kept private and just recently began sharing with those closest to me as I hid the details and severity of my state in fear of frightening or alarming anyone. I honestly haven’t even shared this with my parents whom many know I am the closest with and will be reading this at the same time as many of you in this post.

In addition to anxiety/depression I battle with diagnosed OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) a disorder characterized with a high fixation and extreme need for perfection, order and meeting expectations aligned with my perception of how things should be. Taking the time to prioritize yourself, routine self care and attend therapy REGULARLY is the best decision i have ever made. We must begin to normalize therapy and prioritize mental health in the black community!